December 26, 2012

Quentin Tarantino's next movie: "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion National Park"

Coming in the Summer of 2016: 

In late 2008, following the horrifying defeat of gay marriage at the polls in California, fiances Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Madsen (the ear-cutting Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs) uncover the secret plot by which Utah Mormons control the California media. In response, Jackson-Madsen assemble a team of gay lovers denied their sacred right to marry (couples hoping to head to the altar include Harvey Keitel-Robert DeNiro, Bruce Willis-Robert Forster, Steve Buscemi-Bo Svenson, Tim Roth-Eli Roth, Kurt Russell-Mickey Rourke, and Danny Trejo-Rutger Hauer). In a 75-minute finale that has audiences cheering wildly, the AR-15-toting heroes gun down each of the 360 members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir execution-style, pausing only for long, insightful discussions about the old Kung Fu TV show.

61 comments:

helene edwards said...

In an early draft of the screenplay, Jackson's character says, "now, we gonna do some butt****in'. I HOPE you don't have a problem with that.

Henry Canaday said...

My impression, from watching about 20 minutes of "Pulp Fiction" on TV, is that Tarantino is basically Oliver Stone, plus some crude, imitative movie-making skills. In 2013, with a Hollywood budget, that's enough.

Aren't we thankful for the 1970s, when Hollywood prop shops honed their simulation of body-perforations to such sharply realistic levels? All that was then necessary was to deploy these techniques massively.



kudzu bob said...

Some iSteve readers who possess the suitable skills should make an animated movie trailer of this.

Anonymous said...

One good thing about Tarry's movies....

they subvert the notion of Jews and blacks are poor poor helpless victims.
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS showed Jews to be capable of being just as crazy, murderous, vengeful, and bloodthirsty as the Nazis.
And in DJANGO UNCHAINED, we see the Negro as a mofo killing machine. He aint no spiritual Negro who done wuv a wittle white mouse and finna lay his life down to save the white man's soul.

It's about time the Negro came out of the Brojan Horse.

Anon87 said...

OT: Fathers disappear from households across America

Interesting data and nice interactive map at the bottom. As the household income goes down, how do whites and Hispanics trade places?

Simon in London said...

Now you've done it, he'll probably make this...

I look forward to the scene where the captured temple security guard heroically refuses to reveal the location of the door key, and is about to be beaten to death by Russell Crowe as The Bear:

"CTR? What did you get that ring for, Mormon? Voting against gay marriage?"

"For bravery..."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f1/CTR_Ring_%28LDS_Church%29.jpg/220px-CTR_Ring_%28LDS_Church%29.jpg

Anonymous said...

Went to see DJango with friends last night we left 15 mins. In

Matthew said...

DENVER, CO - After the huge, smashing success of their three time Tony Award-winning musical (Best Musical, Best Book of a Musical, and Best Original Score), artistic geniuses Trey Parker and Matt Stone today announced their next two projects: "Koran: The Musical" and "Talmud: The Musical." Said creative genius Trey Parker, "I know Broadway financiers, critics, and theatre owners will embrace these projects mercilessly mocking Muslims and Jews every bit as joyously as they embraced our project that viciously mocked Mormons."

Anonymous said...

Rex Reed heaped so much praise on Django Unchaied, in a review I seen by pure internet-link-to-link-adventure-fluke, I actually considered seeing it. Thanks to Steve for saving us $16 and 3 hours of precious life.

sunbeam said...

I've never seen one of his movies. He doesn't seem to make anything I have any interest in.

The closest he came I think was some movie about vampires in a strip club in Mexico. I heard about that and thought it was pretty neat, but never bothered to rent it.

Anonymous said...

I have another plot:

An African living in a small village is attacked by an Ashanti slave capturing party. Wile being transported to the coast he escapes and follows the party, freeing his fellow villagers during night ambushes. Lots of gore.

I bet he would like it too. He probably hates the Ashanti for enslaving so many of his people.

hbd chick said...

"...Tim Roth-Eli Roth...."

oh, that'd be handy in real life! "the messrs. roth." neither of them would have to change their surname/monograms on towels, robes, etc.

Anonymous said...

Rocky Mountain Horror Picture Show.

Anonymous said...

"Went to see DJango with friends last night we left 15 mins."

You actually paid to see it.. and on Christmas?

Dumbass.

MaMu1977 said...

You forgot Dame Judy Dench and Kathy Bates as the long term lesbian couple (41 years and counting!), who can still kick some ass. Pam Grier would be the long-suffering, closeted "First black Mormon" housewife, that they seduce for access to the temple.

Anonymous said...

django was hilarious, steve sailer readers don't have to dislike it just because drudge does.

jody said...

lol

Anonymous said...

Why Mormons? Why not Moslems? Pussies.

Anonymous said...

Remaking spaghetti western with black guy.

Didn't Jarmusch do this already with GHOST HOG as remake of LE SAMOURAI by Melville?

pomopics.

Mark said...

Inglorious Basterds was actually quite sympathetic to the Germans, so I was willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt. I've heard nothing that indicates my faith was well placed.

Anonymous said...

Thankfully, Les Miserable beat out Django on Tuesday. Though the latter still pulled in 15 million. A lot of White people enjoy a vicarious White male snuff film, basically.

As for Tarantino, he fits right in with the Liberal Zeitgeist of changing history to suit their own feelings. The true story of the Holocaust was Jewish passivity and non-violence. If they had actively embraced Ghandi's advice (go passively into the ovens, because its the moral upper hand) they would not have behaved much different.

Which is why Israelis who fight back, and are determined to NOT GO QUIETLY (an attitude those on the redneck side admire greatly, btw) generate so much HATE HATE HATE from their urban, SWPL American cousins.

Black slaves did nothing to gain their freedom. That was purchased in blood by White Americans. Nor did they end Segregation, again that was decided by White people not Black thuggery.

Tarantino is the flipside of the fantasies of the European set, that movie about Italian Jews in a concentration camp (reality, most Italian Jews were left alone, Primo Levi's mother and sisters rode out the war in their Roman apartment, he was idiot enough to join the partisans and was soon captured), where the father pretends up to the end where he's shot that its all a game for his young son.

Tarantino thinks he can make things un-happen; through fantasy rewriting history. Like the European fantasy of ignoring reality through comic interludes and ultra pacifism. Both are pathetic utopianism rather than practical realism.

Give me the fantasies of Tolkein or Die Hard, ridiculous in the extreme but at least realistic about the nature of heroism and the reality of mortality -- its better to die fighting than passively sit around.

David said...

>The closest he came I think was some movie about vampires in a strip club in Mexico. I heard about that and thought it was pretty neat, but never bothered to rent it.<

It sucks.

slumber_j said...

Very funny post, as is this from Simon in London:

"Russell Crowe as The Bear."

As for the general anti-Tarantino tenor of the comments, I have to disagree. I haven't seen the latest, but I thought both Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown were really great entertainments, and that they had some other very good stuff going on as well.

Anonymous said...

LOL! That's Classic Sailer.

Anonymous said...

Awesome.

Never change, Steve.

Anonymous said...

OT/ my 24 yr old gf thinks you're really hot 'for an old guy'

Corn said...

OT, but I wanted to point out this gem of Barry's post-racial America:
http://tinyurl.com/bpfw9kj

Read through a few pages of the comments. More than a few people are horrified... horrified! that a white man was appointed to replace Inouye.

Anonymous said...

Which reminds me - Inglorious Bastards was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. And the most overrated. It's rare that I give up and turn a movie off part way through, but IB drove me to it. What dreck!

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't this be directed by the Swedish guy who did Girl with the Dragon ass tattoo?

Kylie said...

The huge, totemic Uma Thurman could make a cameo appearance as one of the Park's monoliths.

Anonymous said...

re: "Talmud: The Musical"

The Talmud is mostly abstruse ancient and early medieval rabbinical commentary on the Torah and religious law. It doesn't have enough narrative content to make into a movie.

Anonymous said...

The Difference between INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and DJANGO is that White people killing other White people just does not rev Tarentino's engine the way that Blacks killing Whites does; remember, even in the middle of a movie about the Nazis, Tarantino still added in a Black character (the projectionist), had Goebbels sound off about Blacks competing for America in the Olympics, and had a Nazi deliver a speech about how KING KONG symbolizes the history of Blacks in America.


Syon

Derek Brown said...

So does this mean that the Basterds as southern revenge fantasy analysis was off the mark? Or is this to cover for making his intentions too explicit in Basterds?

Anonymous said...

The Talmud is mostly abstruse ancient and early medieval rabbinical commentary on the Torah and religious law. It doesn't have enough narrative content to make into a movie."

And "Book of Mormon: The Musical" really has nothing to do with The Book of Mormon.

Anonymous said...

So does this mean that the Basterds as southern revenge fantasy analysis was off the mark? Or is this to cover for making his intentions too explicit in Basterds?

Can someone explain what this means? What were Tarantinos intentions in Basterds?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Sailer is right to predict the next Tarantino movie must be about gays. Tarantino has already celebrated strong women with the "Kill Bill" series, celebrated persons of Jewishness with "Inglorious Basterds" and has now celebrated blacks with "Django". What else is left?

His winning formula is to make crass films that get a pass by being ruled politically correct when film critics stand back and decide what all the gore and cheap thrills "mean".

If Tarantino wants to stay fresh n' edgy with his next film he's going to have to go gay or go home.

Anonymous said...

too bad his buddy rodriguez already did 'machete'. it would have been tailormade tarantino on many levels.

Anonymous said...

Christmas movie numbers are skewed by the percentage of Jews making up the audience.

My Jewish friends talk about their Christmas schedules: an early movie, Chinese food for dinner, then another movie.

Anonymous said...

He can get the creator of 'Glee' to produce it. That guy is the Joseph Goebbels of gay. Tom_in_VA

Glaivester said...

Went to see DJango with friends last night we left 15 mins. In

Reminds me of the time that I took my (~ 70 years old) parents to see a film that sounded like it would be fun... Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle.

Derek Brown said...

10:54 I think I may have misattributed a theory from the Taki Mag comments to Me. Sailer's review of IB to Mr. Sailer himself. That commenter claimed that IB was a sublimated southern revenge story with Brad Pitt's character representing the South out for vengeance.

Glaivester said...

If one wants a movie that shows a true story of (atypical) Jewish non-passivity in the Holocaust, how about Uprising or Escape from Sobibor?

BrokenSymmetry said...

A character on the British soap opera "Eastenders" once fluffed his lines. Instead of saying "The inner workings of your family are as incomprehensible as the Priory of Sion" he said "...as the Protocols of the Elders of Zion". Somehow this slipped past whim (smile) and was broadcasted (I caught it on BBCprime in Central Europe). Despite the apologies/explanations, the character was written out of the series a couple of months later. Coincidence?

Anonymous said...

bodjangles

Anonymous said...

In case anyone is interested, QT has talked about what might be next:

"I don’t know exactly when I’m going to do it, but there’s something about this that would suggest a trilogy. [The next part would follow] a bunch of black troops, and they had been f–ked over by the American military and kind of go apeshit… [The] black troops… kill a bunch of white soldiers and white officers on a military base and are just making a warpath to Switzerland.

That would be the third of the trilogy. It would be [connected to] Inglourious Basterds, too, because Inglourious Basterds are in it, but it is about the soldiers. It would be called Killer Crow or something like that… [It would be set] in ’44. It would be after Normandy."

As I said, Black people killing Whites just seems to appeal to QT on a deep level.

Syon

Anonymous said...

And in DJANGO UNCHAINED, we see the Negro as a mofo killing machine. He aint no spiritual Negro who done wuv a wittle white mouse and finna lay his life down to save the white man's soul.

An' I bet his initials weren't J.C. either.

Anonymous said...

More QT expounding on his hatred for John Ford:

"Oddly enough, where I got the idea for the Klan guys [in Django Unchained] — they're not Klan yet, the Regulators arguing about the bags [on their heads] — as you may well know, director John Ford was one of the Klansmen in The Birth of a Nation, so I even speculate in the piece: Well, John Ford put on a Klan uniform for D.W. Griffith. What was that about? What did that take? He can't say he didn't know the material. Everybody knew The Clansman [on which Birth of a Nation was based] at that time as a piece of material.
...he put on the Klan uniform. He got on the horse. He rode hard to black subjugation. As I'm writing this — and he rode hard, and I'm sure the Klan hood was moving all over his head as he was riding and he was riding blind — I'm thinking, wow. That probably was the case. How come no one's ever thought of that before? Five years later, I'm writing the scene and all of a sudden it comes out.
One of my American Western heroes is not John Ford, obviously. To say the least, I hate him. Forget about faceless Indians he killed like zombies. It really is people like that that kept alive this idea of Anglo-Saxon humanity compared to everybody else's humanity — and the idea that that's hogwash is a very new idea in relative terms. And you can see it in the cinema in the '30s and '40s — it's still there. And even in the '50s."

Anonymous said...

How about an Eastern European revenge fantasy, handled by an independent studio no doubt, or maybe even the renegade crpyto-Nazi Mel Gibson? The heroes can be anti-communist partisans, a cross between Poland's Solidarity and the butt-kicking Baltic Forest Brothers. And maybe a little bit of Prague Spring thrown in to attract the arty crowd.

Simon in London said...

"anon: How about an Eastern European revenge fantasy..."

You could have a Polish hero (Max Rockatansky snr?) hunting down some of the KGB perpetrators of Katyn, who killed his father, brothers, cousins etc. You'd have to set it in the '50s though or everyone would be too old.
Hm - set in in 1953, and he gets to fill Stalin & Beria full of lead at the finale! :)

Dr Van Nostrand said...

Jackie Brown was QT's most developed work because the script was based on a work by an adult and not an overgrown adolescent.

BTW Steve , you forgot to postulate who gets to be the Tarantino foot fetish muse? Some sympathetic comely girl(played by Scarlett Johansson?) as one of the many wives of a closet homosexual who is the son of plutocrat Republican presidential hopeful who was defeated by a descendant of Django(callback!)

Anonymous said...

"Forget about faceless Indians he killed like zombies."

Well, we now have progress via Tarantino as people of all races are killed like faceless zombies in his movies.

travis said...

Forget about faceless Indians he killed like zombies. It really is people like that that kept alive this idea of Anglo-Saxon humanity compared to everybody else's humanity — and the idea that that's hogwash is a very new idea in relative terms. And you can see it in the cinema in the '30s and '40s — it's still there. And even in the '50s."

My god, what an idiot. John Ford was not Anglo-Saxon. He made film after film about the Welsh (How Green was My Valley), the Irish (The Informer, The Quiet Man,) and the Scots-Irish (every John Wayne movie). Hell, even the wikipedia entry on White Anglo-Saxon Protestant notes Ford's anti-WASPishness:

"The depiction of the Irish in the films of John Ford was a counterpoint to WASP standards of rectitude. "The procession of rambunctious and feckless Celts through Ford's films, Irish and otherwise, was meant to cock a snoot at WASP or 'lace-curtain Irish' ideas of respectability."

Oh well, all whites are the same: racist bigots. Unless, of course, you make a revenge movie in which Jews kill Germans or Blacks kill Whites, then you're absolved of any responsibility for the holocaust and slavery.

I seldom agree with Spike Lee; however, he was correct when he stated "something is wrong with him (Tarantino)."

Kylie said...

travis said..."[quoting Tarantino]'Forget about faceless Indians he killed like zombies. It really is people like that that kept alive this idea of Anglo-Saxon humanity compared to everybody else's humanity — and the idea that that's hogwash is a very new idea in relative terms. And you can see it in the cinema in the '30s and '40s — it's still there. And even in the '50s.'

My god, what an idiot. John Ford was not Anglo-Saxon. He made film after film about the Welsh (How Green was My Valley), the Irish (The Informer, The Quiet Man,) and the Scots-Irish (every John Wayne movie). Hell, even the wikipedia entry on White Anglo-Saxon Protestant notes Ford's anti-WASPishness:"


Exactly.

First, the Indians in Ford's Westerns aren't faceless zombies. It's clear in The Searchers that the white man, Ethan Edwards, and the Indian, Scar, are more alike than they are different. We're told Scar's background, we see his wives, how he lives. He's far from faceless-his very name causes us to focus on his face. Even the Indian woman, Look, who along with Marty is the butt of Ethan's coarse humor, is portrayed very much as an individual rather than a "faceless zombie".

Second, is Tarantino even aware of Ford's Cheyenne Autumn? It's not told from the perspective of the Indians but Ford makes it clear we are supposed to empathize with them.

Then there's Fort Apache, in which John Wayne's character, York, and his Indian counterpart, Cochise, are portrayed as equals, men of honor able to negotiate an acceptable compromise between the Indians and the US Cavalry. It's the white leader, Thursday, who screws the whole thing up.

Tarantino is even stupider than I realized.

Anonymous said...

You should see it. It's actually quite good; similar, but not quite as good as Bastards. An interesting point made is that thousands of black slaves didn't rise up and kill their masters.

Steve: brilliant idea for a Tarantino flick! I think he would make it if he had the idea.

Risto

Anonymous said...

"I seldom agree with Spike Lee; however, he was correct when he stated "something is wrong with him (Tarantino)."

One of these days he'll make a film about a black woman with a young son who gets with a succession of white step-fathers who all rape the boy.

Anonymous said...

I heard Tarantino,s stepdad was black. Is that true? Trying to find out how this non Jewish white kid got his anti-white fervor from. I am Jewish myself btw.

Anonymous said...

Listen to the film spotting review of DJango. It,s funny they acknowledge the numinous negro cliche vdare wrote about ala Morgan freeman. They also weren't,t happy with it, no they liked Jaime fox much better for killing white ppl.. Depicting lacks as saintly gods to dumb or greedy evil whets wash,t ood enough for them they want godly blacks to kill white devils now too. The ill spotting guys are good swpl embodiments.

Anonymous said...

No in his last two its mostly just whites who fill that role. QT should be analyzed deeply so we can understand the root of his fervent ethnomasochism.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps QT,s anti white fetish can be explained by his hatred for his father who was gone before he was born and apparently he had a black stepdad he liked. So maybe it's that simple. He,s been a fan of race mixing since he can remember and hated the white man in his

Anonymous said...

http://io9.com/5971993/tarantinos-third-alternate-history-movie-will-be-a-much-bloodier-version-of-red-tails

Anonymous said...

@Kylie, @travis

Excellent comments. Seems to me that Tarantino is a complete fake.